Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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