I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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