Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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