Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
