oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
