I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
