I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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