dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
