Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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