they need to just BURY HIM!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
