brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
