Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
