I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
