i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My liver just broke up with me...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
