I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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