i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
