I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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