I'm jealous of your bromance
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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