never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sober January is a disaster.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
