This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
