Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
