tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this will be a night to untag.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
