So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
