The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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