I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Randomize
