I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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