dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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