speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
