he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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