somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
