I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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