I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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