It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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