we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
