THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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