last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
