yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
