Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
