He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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