like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
