If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
