Someone shit on the floor
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
