I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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