he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
