Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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