So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
