Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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