I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
