I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
