I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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