Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
